My friend Joe told me this morning that Chester has been put down. The news hit me harder than I could have expected. I mean he’s an old dog but you never really think about it. Any time Beth’s brought up his age I never took it to serious. In my mind dogs live forever but just get lazier. Maybe in the back of my mind I expected this to happen at some point. You never see it coming do you? Joe told me Beth cried over this. Even with how things are between us now I didn’t like the idea of her crying. The idea of it does something inside my chest that I cannot explain with words. I’ve grown very use to anger but I’m not use to this. Maybe I’m just more attached to animals than people.

I’ve had family die where I didn’t shed a tear. I did my best to hold them back on that car ride today but some still slipped out. I don’t want to feel this again. I hate how I never got to meet Chester. I always thought I would get to see him at some point. I don’t know why. Back when things were ok with me and Beth I just thought ill see him at some point and now I will never get to see him. If I can feel this way about a dog I’ve only seen pictures of and herd stories of I can’t imagine the sadness Beth and her family must be feeling. I need to keep being ruthless. Show them your sadness and they know you’re only human. I don’t believe in heaven but they say all dogs go there. If I’m wrong and it does exist Chester’s there now. This doesn’t happen often but I hope I’m wrong.

The Mad Man


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